If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
