i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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