hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
