I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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