does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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