i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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