hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
