One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
