Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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