Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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