No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
