and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
