I heard we made out
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
