How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize