He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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