I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
