It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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