even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?