Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.