I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.