i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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