There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
