Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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