it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
