do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
