it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
