I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize