fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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