My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
