it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
