I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
