Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
