who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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