I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
