I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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