she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
