All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
