I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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