Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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