I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
