it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
