you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize