I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
