I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?