put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
