come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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