what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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