I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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