okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
