ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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