Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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