non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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