2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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