He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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