I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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