Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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