i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
