pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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