Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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