I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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