I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
